Self-Soothing Doesn't Soothe Mommy

My Little Sleepy Son,

Now that you're three-and-a-half months old, it's time for you to start learning how to soothe yourself to sleep.  This isn't just so mommy doesn't have to bounce you in her arms for over a half hour to get you to fall asleep.  Trust me, as much as I pray to God for you to just close your eyes, I don't mind holding on to you just a few minutes longer when you're sound asleep in my arms.  This is about you learning an important skill that you'll need for the rest of your life. 

You need to learn how to put yourself to sleep, to know that you have the strategies to calm yourself down when you're upset, and that you don't always need me.  It's the start to being able to regulate your own emotions.  And ultimately, according to some theorists, being a more complete individual, who is led more by convictions than the emotional climate of a situation.  It seems a whole lot rides on putting yourself to sleep, doesn't it?

Already, though, I know you're led by your own convictions - you're strongly convinced you will not fall asleep on your own!  We're starting the baby (no pun intended) steps to this process.  I've been trying to put you down in the swing, in hopes that it will lull you to sleep on your own.  Twice I've had to shake the swing repeatedly until you've fallen asleep...and this previous time, after a 15 minute battle of the wills, I finally put you back in my arms.

You may have won this battle, my little munchkin.  But, I promise you, I will win the war.  I've got 6 more weeks of summer vacation to get this mastered.

Tomorrow's a brand new day.

Love,
Your just-as-sleepy Mommy

My Sweet Baby,

It's been three months since I held you in my arms for the first time and finally got to see your face; the face I had been dreaming about for 9 months.  I've wanted to start writing letters to you sooner, but the first few months with you have been quite a tiring whirlwind.  We're still getting the hang of things - but I think we're figuring it out together.

You've changed so much in these first three months!  I've watched you begin to grow from a tiny, little baby that only would eat, sleep, and cry - to a little, thinking human being.  I could watch your face all day while you explore new things.  I love seeing your personality begin to blossom; you've become quite the little flirt!  And I have some of the best conversations with you as you chatter and coo to me nonstop.  You are just absolutely amazing.  A miracle of life.

My hope with these letters is to document all of life's little lessons throughout our journey together.  I have tons of pictures of you to document your growth, I've saved souvenirs of various things to document special occasions.  These letters are just to continue to let you know how I fall in love with you more and more every day.  If anything were to ever happen to me, my hope is that you would have these letters and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are 100% the best thing that has ever happened to me.  My greatest accomplishment.

So to start off, here's some lessons I've learned in the first three months with you:

• A mother's love is fierce.  From the moment I felt your first kick in my tummy, it was instinctual.  When they laid you on my chest, it became real.  And as I've held you every day in my arms, it's absolutely unconditional.  
• I'm going to make mistakes.  I've made plenty these past few months - from snapping at you when I was overly tired, to accidentally scratching your leg with my ring; and I'm probably getting more stuff wrong along the way that I don't even realize yet.  But even though I'm still figuring out some of the details to this new mommy roll in my life, it's the best job in the world.
• I celebrate every little developmental milestone you make like we both just won the Olympics.  Seeing you grow and think and start to do things purposefully is absolutely astounding.  It's exciting and I'm filled with such pride and wonderment.  Even though daddy and I made you, you are your own unique person!
• There will never be a day, hour, minute, second that I don't stop loving you, thinking about you, or worrying about you.  You are my everything.

I can't wait to see everything that life has in store for both of us.  Hopefully along the way, I'll be able to continue to share with you some of the lessons I've learned - some that I'm sure you will be teaching me!

I love you so much,
Mommy