My little love-bug,
Today is Thanksgiving. Time just keeps flying by, and now the holidays are upon us. October through December is my absolute favorite time of year. It's my favorite season and it's jam-packed with my three favorite holidays. It's a time to be together with family. And a time to celebrate traditions.
Growing up, I had so many Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions with my family. Last Christmas, when I was pregnant with you, I was so excited to pass down all those little moments that I treasured as a child to you. Your father also had his own different memories as well. Now that you're here, and we're sharing holidays with both our families, I've realized that some of Daddy and Mommy's traditions will be passed on; but we'll also be making our own new traditions, as our own new family.
I'm excited for all the new memories we'll be making throughout the years, but at the same time, I wish I could just simply freeze time and hold onto this moment in my heart forever. With each day that passes, I watch you grow, learn new things, and master new skills. You're trying so hard to crawl and, just in the past few days, you've already managed to pull yourself up to stand and try to walk. I'm filled with pride seeing every single one of your accomplishments. And yet, it's a constant bittersweet feeling, knowing that with each moment you grow, it's one day less that I have my darling, little baby boy to hold, rock, and snuggle. I cherish every single moment with you.
And so, it should be fairly obvious, that this Thanksgiving (and every Thanksgiving for the rest of my life) I am so thankful to be blessed with you. You are my greatest accomplishment and my greatest love. I can't freeze time. You'll grow up; you'll do tremendous things; and, undoubtedly you'll make mistakes. Yet, no matter what, you'll still always be my baby boy.
Love,
Your extremely-thankful mommy
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Working Mom Woes
My Growing Boy,
It's been two months since I last wrote you a letter, and, boy, are things changing! You are now 6 months old and getting so big! I love watching you grow and develop new skills! But, at the same time, I wish I could just keep you as this tiny, cuddly baby for a little while longer.
You're sitting up all by yourself now. You're eating solids (so far you're a fan of most vegetables and fruits - but you hate peas.) You love to sit and play with the wheels on different toys. You also love to stand in your Exosaucer. Daddy and I say that you're "going to work" when you're in it because you are so focused on all the different gadgets. Your focus is something I've noticed about you. You're an observer. In any new situation, you stare intently, quietly taking in all of your surroundings. Rarely do you just grab something new and play with it. You have to examine it first and figure out how it works. You think first and then you act. As you grow older, I hope this is a quality you continue to have.
Though you wouldn't know it, life around the house has been pretty hectic this past month. First off, Daddy tore his Achilles heal playing baseball; which means that Daddy can't walk. In a lot of ways, Mommy has had to take care of you by herself. Daddy tries to help as much as he can, but the only thing he can really do is hold you for a few minutes, while he sits in chair. Your Pappa Lou has also been helping us out so much. He comes a few days a week to take you to daycare and Daddy to work. While this hasn't been the most ideal situation, we're making it work.
I've also returned back to teaching, and this school year has been really tough for me. I absolutely hate being away from you so much. I'm miserable. I feel like I'm missing out on so many new experiences that you're having and I want to be a part of it all. Seeing your smiling face only 2 hours a day just doesn't seem fair to either of us. Before having you, I thought that I could be a supermom, who worked and took care of her kids equally. Now, I realize I don't want to be supermom. I just want to be a good mom to you. Doing things by yourself isn't some sort of accomplishment. I'm more proud of the fact that I have such a supportive family that I can lean on when I need them.
You've got an amazing family, Buddy, who will always be there for you. And even though it doesn't seem like I'm around as much anymore, know that there isn't one minute of the day that goes by that you're not in my heart and mind. And if you ever needed me, I'd be there for you in a second.
One way or another, I'll figure out this work-life balance. I'm certainly not the first working mom, nor will I be the last. But it still doesn't make being away from you any easier.
Love,
Your very tired Mommy.
It's been two months since I last wrote you a letter, and, boy, are things changing! You are now 6 months old and getting so big! I love watching you grow and develop new skills! But, at the same time, I wish I could just keep you as this tiny, cuddly baby for a little while longer.
You're sitting up all by yourself now. You're eating solids (so far you're a fan of most vegetables and fruits - but you hate peas.) You love to sit and play with the wheels on different toys. You also love to stand in your Exosaucer. Daddy and I say that you're "going to work" when you're in it because you are so focused on all the different gadgets. Your focus is something I've noticed about you. You're an observer. In any new situation, you stare intently, quietly taking in all of your surroundings. Rarely do you just grab something new and play with it. You have to examine it first and figure out how it works. You think first and then you act. As you grow older, I hope this is a quality you continue to have.
Though you wouldn't know it, life around the house has been pretty hectic this past month. First off, Daddy tore his Achilles heal playing baseball; which means that Daddy can't walk. In a lot of ways, Mommy has had to take care of you by herself. Daddy tries to help as much as he can, but the only thing he can really do is hold you for a few minutes, while he sits in chair. Your Pappa Lou has also been helping us out so much. He comes a few days a week to take you to daycare and Daddy to work. While this hasn't been the most ideal situation, we're making it work.
I've also returned back to teaching, and this school year has been really tough for me. I absolutely hate being away from you so much. I'm miserable. I feel like I'm missing out on so many new experiences that you're having and I want to be a part of it all. Seeing your smiling face only 2 hours a day just doesn't seem fair to either of us. Before having you, I thought that I could be a supermom, who worked and took care of her kids equally. Now, I realize I don't want to be supermom. I just want to be a good mom to you. Doing things by yourself isn't some sort of accomplishment. I'm more proud of the fact that I have such a supportive family that I can lean on when I need them.
You've got an amazing family, Buddy, who will always be there for you. And even though it doesn't seem like I'm around as much anymore, know that there isn't one minute of the day that goes by that you're not in my heart and mind. And if you ever needed me, I'd be there for you in a second.
One way or another, I'll figure out this work-life balance. I'm certainly not the first working mom, nor will I be the last. But it still doesn't make being away from you any easier.
Love,
Your very tired Mommy.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Grandma Dot
Hunter,
Early this morning my grandma (your great-grandma) passed away. At 91 years old, she lived a long and amazing life. And while I'm so happy that she got a chance to meet you and hold you in her arms, I'm deeply saddened that you'll never have a chance to know her.
Grandma was the type of woman who immediately touched your life the minute you met her. Her heart was filled with so much joy, that you couldn't help feeling happy just by being around her. She was full of life. As she got older, she never let her age limit her. Instead, she wore it as a badge of honor for the all years she had spent surrounded by her family and friends. She was courageous, adventurous, and incredibly witty. If I'm able to become half the woman my grandma was, I will know that I have lived a life worthwhile.
My first memory of my grandma was when I was just a little kid. I had been upset about something or another and Grandma gathered me into her arms and rocked me back and forth in her chair. I remember burying my face into her turquoise, velour robe while she calmed me down. I'm not sure why that's my first memory of Grandma. But I remember how she made me feel - safe.
I, personally, considered myself luckier than the rest of my cousins because I got to live with Grandma. When I was just a baby and my mom and dad divorced, my mom came to live with Grandma. I'm not sure if it was originally meant to be long-term, but shortly afterwards, my grandfather passed away. And so I think my mom needed my grandma, as much as Grandma needed my mom.
I remember whenever we had to talk about our families in school, I would proudly state that I had two moms - my mom and my grandma. And that's how I've always considered her: my second mother. She helped raise me in every aspect. She watched me while Mom was working. She encouraged me to get involved in theater (something I loved so much, I ended up Minoring in it at college). She would drive me around to dance lessons, theater practice, violin lessons, and church. And when I was older, and trying to get my driver's license, she let me drive her around. If she was ever nervous about my driving skills, as we putted around in her little, white car, she never showed it. She believed in me. I've never doubted that for a second.
Grandma was strong in her convictions. There was no doubt that she loved God. She showed this most just by genuinely loving the people around her. She wanted all of my friends to call her Grandma Dot - and they did because she made them feel like her grandchildren as well. She loved to cook and was constantly inviting any of my friends to stay for dinner. She was always so warm and inviting. She felt like home.
And even though it seems I've now lost a bit of my home, her memory is never gone. And these memories will continue to live on - making a new home for you, me, and Daddy. So even though you may not have had a chance to know this amazing, strong woman...she will continue to be a part of all of our lives. When Grammy cooks you a delicious meal - chances are it was a recipe's of Grandma Dot's. When you want to hide your head in shame because your mother is embarrassing you - it's because I learned how to be goofy with Grandma. And as you grow up and your heart continues to be filled with love...know that a piece of Grandma Dot is inside of you as well - because she loved us all so much and taught us how to truly love.
I wish you didn't have to know the pain of losing someone you love. It never gets easier, but it's simply a part of life that we all must go through. And while I'm sad that I won't be able to see my grandmother any more, I know that she is up in heaven right now, rejoicing. Her life has always been a celebration...and now she gets to celebrate with Jesus.
Early this morning my grandma (your great-grandma) passed away. At 91 years old, she lived a long and amazing life. And while I'm so happy that she got a chance to meet you and hold you in her arms, I'm deeply saddened that you'll never have a chance to know her.
Grandma was the type of woman who immediately touched your life the minute you met her. Her heart was filled with so much joy, that you couldn't help feeling happy just by being around her. She was full of life. As she got older, she never let her age limit her. Instead, she wore it as a badge of honor for the all years she had spent surrounded by her family and friends. She was courageous, adventurous, and incredibly witty. If I'm able to become half the woman my grandma was, I will know that I have lived a life worthwhile.
My first memory of my grandma was when I was just a little kid. I had been upset about something or another and Grandma gathered me into her arms and rocked me back and forth in her chair. I remember burying my face into her turquoise, velour robe while she calmed me down. I'm not sure why that's my first memory of Grandma. But I remember how she made me feel - safe.
I, personally, considered myself luckier than the rest of my cousins because I got to live with Grandma. When I was just a baby and my mom and dad divorced, my mom came to live with Grandma. I'm not sure if it was originally meant to be long-term, but shortly afterwards, my grandfather passed away. And so I think my mom needed my grandma, as much as Grandma needed my mom.
I remember whenever we had to talk about our families in school, I would proudly state that I had two moms - my mom and my grandma. And that's how I've always considered her: my second mother. She helped raise me in every aspect. She watched me while Mom was working. She encouraged me to get involved in theater (something I loved so much, I ended up Minoring in it at college). She would drive me around to dance lessons, theater practice, violin lessons, and church. And when I was older, and trying to get my driver's license, she let me drive her around. If she was ever nervous about my driving skills, as we putted around in her little, white car, she never showed it. She believed in me. I've never doubted that for a second.
Grandma was strong in her convictions. There was no doubt that she loved God. She showed this most just by genuinely loving the people around her. She wanted all of my friends to call her Grandma Dot - and they did because she made them feel like her grandchildren as well. She loved to cook and was constantly inviting any of my friends to stay for dinner. She was always so warm and inviting. She felt like home.
And even though it seems I've now lost a bit of my home, her memory is never gone. And these memories will continue to live on - making a new home for you, me, and Daddy. So even though you may not have had a chance to know this amazing, strong woman...she will continue to be a part of all of our lives. When Grammy cooks you a delicious meal - chances are it was a recipe's of Grandma Dot's. When you want to hide your head in shame because your mother is embarrassing you - it's because I learned how to be goofy with Grandma. And as you grow up and your heart continues to be filled with love...know that a piece of Grandma Dot is inside of you as well - because she loved us all so much and taught us how to truly love.
I wish you didn't have to know the pain of losing someone you love. It never gets easier, but it's simply a part of life that we all must go through. And while I'm sad that I won't be able to see my grandmother any more, I know that she is up in heaven right now, rejoicing. Her life has always been a celebration...and now she gets to celebrate with Jesus.
For
if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord.
So
then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.
Romans 14:8
Sunday, July 29, 2012
What We Want vs. What We Need
My Brave Little Boy,
After a few harrowing weeks of trying to get you to sleep on your own, you did it! All by yourself and in your own crib!! I am so proud of you!
It was touch-and-go there for awhile. A few times I thought we were both going to have a breakdown. You are a very strong-willed baby. And I get it. You don't want to go to sleep! There are so many new and amazing things that you're experiencing in the world that you don't want to miss out on anything! But that's not what you need. Research shows that babies do all their growing in their sleep. That's where you are able to process and make sense of everything you've learned throughout the day. What you want is not what you need.
This is the first important lesson that you're going to keep learning throughout the rest of your life. At thirty years old, I'm still reminded daily that what I want may not be what's best for me. And now as a mother, I have to realize that what I want for you may still not be best. Trust me, I didn't want to hear you cry when I put you down to sleep. I wanted to hold you and rock you and let you know that everything was going to be okay. But we both needed to realize that, regardless of whether you were in my arms or in your crib, everything was still going to be alright. You had your blanket, your binkie, and your thumb - you just needed to find them on your own and learn how to use them.
After four months, we're starting to get the hang of this. You're doing an amazing job, little buddy. We're going to meet numerous challenges throughout the days, weeks, and months to come. But always remember Lesson 1:
What you want, may not always be what you need.
Love,
Your very proud Mommy
After a few harrowing weeks of trying to get you to sleep on your own, you did it! All by yourself and in your own crib!! I am so proud of you!
It was touch-and-go there for awhile. A few times I thought we were both going to have a breakdown. You are a very strong-willed baby. And I get it. You don't want to go to sleep! There are so many new and amazing things that you're experiencing in the world that you don't want to miss out on anything! But that's not what you need. Research shows that babies do all their growing in their sleep. That's where you are able to process and make sense of everything you've learned throughout the day. What you want is not what you need.
This is the first important lesson that you're going to keep learning throughout the rest of your life. At thirty years old, I'm still reminded daily that what I want may not be what's best for me. And now as a mother, I have to realize that what I want for you may still not be best. Trust me, I didn't want to hear you cry when I put you down to sleep. I wanted to hold you and rock you and let you know that everything was going to be okay. But we both needed to realize that, regardless of whether you were in my arms or in your crib, everything was still going to be alright. You had your blanket, your binkie, and your thumb - you just needed to find them on your own and learn how to use them.
After four months, we're starting to get the hang of this. You're doing an amazing job, little buddy. We're going to meet numerous challenges throughout the days, weeks, and months to come. But always remember Lesson 1:
What you want, may not always be what you need.
Love,
Your very proud Mommy
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Self-Soothing Doesn't Soothe Mommy
My Little Sleepy Son,
Now that you're three-and-a-half months old, it's time for you to start learning how to soothe yourself to sleep. This isn't just so mommy doesn't have to bounce you in her arms for over a half hour to get you to fall asleep. Trust me, as much as I pray to God for you to just close your eyes, I don't mind holding on to you just a few minutes longer when you're sound asleep in my arms. This is about you learning an important skill that you'll need for the rest of your life.
You need to learn how to put yourself to sleep, to know that you have the strategies to calm yourself down when you're upset, and that you don't always need me. It's the start to being able to regulate your own emotions. And ultimately, according to some theorists, being a more complete individual, who is led more by convictions than the emotional climate of a situation. It seems a whole lot rides on putting yourself to sleep, doesn't it?
Already, though, I know you're led by your own convictions - you're strongly convinced you will not fall asleep on your own! We're starting the baby (no pun intended) steps to this process. I've been trying to put you down in the swing, in hopes that it will lull you to sleep on your own. Twice I've had to shake the swing repeatedly until you've fallen asleep...and this previous time, after a 15 minute battle of the wills, I finally put you back in my arms.
You may have won this battle, my little munchkin. But, I promise you, I will win the war. I've got 6 more weeks of summer vacation to get this mastered.
Tomorrow's a brand new day.
Love,
Your just-as-sleepy Mommy
Now that you're three-and-a-half months old, it's time for you to start learning how to soothe yourself to sleep. This isn't just so mommy doesn't have to bounce you in her arms for over a half hour to get you to fall asleep. Trust me, as much as I pray to God for you to just close your eyes, I don't mind holding on to you just a few minutes longer when you're sound asleep in my arms. This is about you learning an important skill that you'll need for the rest of your life.
You need to learn how to put yourself to sleep, to know that you have the strategies to calm yourself down when you're upset, and that you don't always need me. It's the start to being able to regulate your own emotions. And ultimately, according to some theorists, being a more complete individual, who is led more by convictions than the emotional climate of a situation. It seems a whole lot rides on putting yourself to sleep, doesn't it?
Already, though, I know you're led by your own convictions - you're strongly convinced you will not fall asleep on your own! We're starting the baby (no pun intended) steps to this process. I've been trying to put you down in the swing, in hopes that it will lull you to sleep on your own. Twice I've had to shake the swing repeatedly until you've fallen asleep...and this previous time, after a 15 minute battle of the wills, I finally put you back in my arms.
You may have won this battle, my little munchkin. But, I promise you, I will win the war. I've got 6 more weeks of summer vacation to get this mastered.
Tomorrow's a brand new day.
Love,
Your just-as-sleepy Mommy
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
My Sweet Baby,
It's been three months since I held you in my arms for the first time and finally got to see your face; the face I had been dreaming about for 9 months. I've wanted to start writing letters to you sooner, but the first few months with you have been quite a tiring whirlwind. We're still getting the hang of things - but I think we're figuring it out together.
You've changed so much in these first three months! I've watched you begin to grow from a tiny, little baby that only would eat, sleep, and cry - to a little, thinking human being. I could watch your face all day while you explore new things. I love seeing your personality begin to blossom; you've become quite the little flirt! And I have some of the best conversations with you as you chatter and coo to me nonstop. You are just absolutely amazing. A miracle of life.
My hope with these letters is to document all of life's little lessons throughout our journey together. I have tons of pictures of you to document your growth, I've saved souvenirs of various things to document special occasions. These letters are just to continue to let you know how I fall in love with you more and more every day. If anything were to ever happen to me, my hope is that you would have these letters and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are 100% the best thing that has ever happened to me. My greatest accomplishment.
So to start off, here's some lessons I've learned in the first three months with you:
I love you so much,
Mommy
It's been three months since I held you in my arms for the first time and finally got to see your face; the face I had been dreaming about for 9 months. I've wanted to start writing letters to you sooner, but the first few months with you have been quite a tiring whirlwind. We're still getting the hang of things - but I think we're figuring it out together.
You've changed so much in these first three months! I've watched you begin to grow from a tiny, little baby that only would eat, sleep, and cry - to a little, thinking human being. I could watch your face all day while you explore new things. I love seeing your personality begin to blossom; you've become quite the little flirt! And I have some of the best conversations with you as you chatter and coo to me nonstop. You are just absolutely amazing. A miracle of life.
My hope with these letters is to document all of life's little lessons throughout our journey together. I have tons of pictures of you to document your growth, I've saved souvenirs of various things to document special occasions. These letters are just to continue to let you know how I fall in love with you more and more every day. If anything were to ever happen to me, my hope is that you would have these letters and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are 100% the best thing that has ever happened to me. My greatest accomplishment.
So to start off, here's some lessons I've learned in the first three months with you:
- A mother's love is fierce. From the moment I felt your first kick in my tummy, it was instinctual. When they laid you on my chest, it became real. And as I've held you every day in my arms, it's absolutely unconditional.
- I'm going to make mistakes. I've made plenty these past few months - from snapping at you when I was overly tired, to accidentally scratching your leg with my ring; and I'm probably getting more stuff wrong along the way that I don't even realize yet. But even though I'm still figuring out some of the details to this new mommy roll in my life, it's the best job in the world.
- I celebrate every little developmental milestone you make like we both just won the Olympics. Seeing you grow and think and start to do things purposefully is absolutely astounding. It's exciting and I'm filled with such pride and wonderment. Even though daddy and I made you, you are your own unique person!
- There will never be a day, hour, minute, second that I don't stop loving you, thinking about you, or worrying about you. You are my everything.
I love you so much,
Mommy
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