Grandma Dot

Hunter,

Early this morning my grandma (your great-grandma) passed away.  At 91 years old, she lived a long and amazing life.  And while I'm so happy that she got a chance to meet you and hold you in her arms, I'm deeply saddened that you'll never have a chance to know her. 

Grandma was the type of woman who immediately touched your life the minute you met her.  Her heart was filled with so much joy, that you couldn't help feeling happy just by being around her.  She was full of life.  As she got older, she never let her age limit her.  Instead, she wore it as a badge of honor for the all years she had spent surrounded by her family and friends.  She was courageous, adventurous, and incredibly witty.  If I'm able to become half the woman my grandma was, I will know that I have lived a life worthwhile.

My first memory of my grandma was when I was just a little kid.  I had been upset about something or another and Grandma gathered me into her arms and rocked me back and forth in her chair.  I remember burying my face into her turquoise, velour robe while she calmed me down.  I'm not sure why that's my first memory of Grandma.  But I remember how she made me feel - safe.

I, personally, considered myself luckier than the rest of my cousins because I got to live with Grandma.  When I was just a baby and my mom and dad divorced, my mom came to live with Grandma.  I'm not sure if it was originally meant to be long-term, but shortly afterwards, my grandfather passed away.  And so I think my mom needed my grandma, as much as Grandma needed my mom.

I remember whenever we had to talk about our families in school, I would proudly state that I had two moms - my mom and my grandma. And that's how I've always considered her: my second mother.  She helped raise me in every aspect.  She watched me while Mom was working.  She encouraged me to get involved in theater (something I loved so much, I ended up Minoring in it at college).  She would drive me around to dance lessons, theater practice, violin lessons, and church.  And when I was older, and trying to get my driver's license, she let me drive her around.  If she was ever nervous about my driving skills, as we putted around in her little, white car, she never showed it.  She believed in me.  I've never doubted that for a second.

Grandma was strong in her convictions.  There was no doubt that she loved God.  She showed this most just by genuinely loving the people around her.  She wanted all of my friends to call her Grandma Dot - and they did because she made them feel like her grandchildren as well.  She loved to cook and was constantly inviting any of my friends to stay for dinner.  She was always so warm and inviting.  She felt like home.

And even though it seems I've now lost a bit of my home, her memory is never gone.  And these memories will continue to live on  - making a new home for you, me, and Daddy.  So even though you may not have had a chance to know this amazing, strong woman...she will continue to be a part of all of our lives.  When Grammy cooks you a delicious meal - chances are it was a recipe's of Grandma Dot's.  When you want to hide your head in shame because your mother is embarrassing you - it's because I learned how to be goofy with Grandma.  And as you grow up and your heart continues to be filled with love...know that a piece of Grandma Dot is inside of you as well - because she loved us all so much and taught us how to truly love.

I wish you didn't have to know the pain of losing someone you love.  It never gets easier, but it's simply a part of life that we all must go through.  And while I'm sad that I won't be able to see my grandmother any more, I know that she is up in heaven right now, rejoicing.  Her life has always been a celebration...and now she gets to celebrate with Jesus.

 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. 

So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.  

Romans 14:8

I love you,

Mommy

What We Want vs. What We Need

My Brave Little Boy,

After a few harrowing weeks of trying to get you to sleep on your own, you did it!  All by yourself and in your own crib!!  I am so proud of you!

It was touch-and-go there for awhile.  A few times I thought we were both going to have a breakdown.  You are a very strong-willed baby.  And I get it.  You don't want to go to sleep!  There are so many new and amazing things that you're experiencing in the world that you don't want to miss out on anything!  But that's not what you need.  Research shows that babies do all their growing in their sleep.  That's where you are able to process and make sense of everything you've learned throughout the day.  What you want is not what you need.

This is the first important lesson that you're going to keep learning throughout the rest of your life.  At thirty years old, I'm still reminded daily that what I want may not be what's best for me.  And now as a mother, I have to realize that what I want for you may still not be best.  Trust me, I didn't want to hear you cry when I put you down to sleep.  I wanted to hold you and rock you and let you know that everything was going to be okay.  But we both needed to realize that, regardless of whether you were in my arms or in your crib, everything was still going to be alright.  You had your blanket, your binkie, and your thumb - you just needed to find them on your own and learn how to use them.

After four months, we're starting to get the hang of this.  You're doing an amazing job, little buddy.  We're going to meet numerous challenges throughout the days, weeks, and months to come.  But always remember Lesson 1:

What you want, may not always be what you need.

Love,
Your very proud Mommy